Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
