I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
