he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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