everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
