just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
