Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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