Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
