is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
