He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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