It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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