He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
