I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
