Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
