Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
