totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
