Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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