I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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