i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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