I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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