so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...