I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear