I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.