clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.