I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college