All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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