Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.

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(215): Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women. http://tfl.nu/jnpr

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(251): View more from Alabama

i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

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(251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Drinking in an igloo changes everything.

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(412): Drinking in an igloo changes everything. http://tfl.nu/71hs

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(716): View more from New York

Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen

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(716): Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen http://tfl.nu/h1qo

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it

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(814): well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it http://tfl.nu/ljcc

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(513): View more from Ohio

Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?

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(513): Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today? http://tfl.nu/r6wg

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(806): View more from Texas

Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.

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(806): Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes. http://tfl.nu/kfeu

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(512): View more from Texas

There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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(512): There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it. http://tfl.nu/1bu2

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(316): View more from Kansas

Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.

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(316): Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple. http://tfl.nu/0ujo

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(865): View more from Tennessee

So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.

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(865): So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall. http://tfl.nu/00be

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(512): View more from Texas

I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.

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(512): I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out. http://tfl.nu/qokz

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(+46): View more from Sweden

Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.

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(+46): Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely. http://tfl.nu/r3zz

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(312): View more from Illinois

i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.

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(312): i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me. http://tfl.nu/c5n9

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.

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(+44): When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies. http://tfl.nu/0fef

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(705): View more from Ontario

I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things

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(705): I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things http://tfl.nu/ylud

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