Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.