i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..