I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
I think about you every night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.