I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your cock deserves a montage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize