I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
