im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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