so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
