Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
