Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
God, I missed his penis.
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