now i know why i became what i already was.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
