she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
