I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
