We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
