why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
