They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
