I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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