I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
