Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
