i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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