I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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