Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
