I wish my penis had an off switch
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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