the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
