I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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