I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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