My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
