I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I will be naked everywhere
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
