He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
