He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
