Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
