My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
