franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
