His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
