please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
