Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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