Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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