I hate your face
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
