I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
