We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
