The maid of honor just puked.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
