you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
