He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
